Expansion

Here is a comment I made in Jake's blog in response to his subject about all around touchy subjects in the BDSM world and his request that people respond and list their fetishes they arent proud of. (See link to his blog at the side.)

My comment

"Ageplay. It isnt one that is secret or that I am not proud of but also not something I bring up a lot because I often dont have the energy to explain that I dont mean a grown up dressed up in a school girl skirt...not that I dont like school girls skirts. ::grin:: Re-parenting. You think ageplay raises a brow. Throw at that term at your next munch."

There is a difference to me in ageplay and re-parenting. Ageplay can include anything from dressing up in "younger clothes" to walking around sucking a lollipop and twirling pigtails to wearing diapers and sucking a pacifier. It is a headspace that turns some people on. I am not necessarily one of those people. The "ageplay" I am referring to when I use that term (which I rarely do) is re-parenting.

Anyone who has read my blog knows that I have a little girl who regularly comments here. Her blog is linked to mine. My little girl is a 33 year old woman. Her Big part is one of my very best friends. And her little part is my daughter in every sense of the word. There is no sexuality at in our relationship. It isnt about sex. It is about guidance and acceptance and unconditional love. I love her as if she were my biological child. I am there for her as a mother would be. I see her inner child when I look at her as clearly and easily as you would see her beautiful red hair when you look at her.

I live with My boi who you have heard mentioned a few times here. She has two inner children. I am Mom to both of them. Our day to day life is an endless shift and balance and dance we have created between mother and Mistress. It makes us happy.

Now, why would I want to be a "mom" to an adult person? It is quite simple actually. I get out of the relationship what any parent gets out of a parent/child relationship. I love them. It is fulfilling. They are wonderful.

Why would they feel the need to have an inner child who is so real that it is almost a seperate part of them? Lots of reasons. Some people had a very hard childhood. They were abused, neglected, or emotionally ripped apart. They want a second chance. It is theraputic. It is a healing process. It is learning what they didnt learn the first time around for whatever their reason. Everyone has their own reasons for doing it, much like in the "regular" BDSM world.

When I think about it, it wasnt a far reach for me to be a mother type figure. I am a very nurturing Domme. I am strict but very affectionate and caring. The parent/child relationship is power exchange in its purest form. It isnt sexual, but it is power exchange. I understand that. I get that. THAT is how I am wired. How natural it feels for me to step in and actually "re-parent" another adult. I make rules for them. I nurture them. I love them. I protect them. It's not a far cry from the dynamic of a D/s relationship save the sexual element.

I say that to perhaps make you think about how some people judge people like me. I am not a pedophile. I am not interested sexually in biological children. I am not interested in pretending that someone is a biological child, so that I can get off on that. It is an adult consensual relationship that isnt too far away from something like yours.

Siren

Here kitty kitty....





















Pretty.....

So I said earlier I was gonna do some research on puppy play. And I did. :) There was a lot of junk information. And I found a few good things.

Here's a very generic definition of puppy play in case you don't know what it is.

Puppy Play: Sub is made to act like a puppy. Sub barks, whines, eats from a bowl, etc. Such play is almost never sexual, but rather focuses on the altered mind-space of bottom/pup.

That's a good definition of "what" puppy play is...and here was my favorite definition of "why" people might participate. I highlighted what the "Why" for me is.

"The reasons for playing such a character or animal can vary as much as the actual physical manifestations and intensity of the play. Some people enjoy being able to "cut loose" into a more dynamic personality (see Were-creatures and the aforementioned Catwoman movie). In some cases, pet play is seen as a loving, quiet cuddling time where there is no need for verbalizations and the simple act of stroking, rubbing and holding the other partner is satisfying or reassuring in and of itself for those involved. For others, there may be a spiritual side to it. Some feel closer to their animal totem, while others may identify with something akin to a deeper side or part of their own psyche. For still others, there is the experience of power exchange setup in a context or structure which they can accept. Clearly, again, it depends on the people involved and what they bring to it or take from it. "

That whole set of webpages were pretty good.

I am so going to experiment with this. I thought my curiosity was piqued before, but now...... ::delightfully evil smile:: .

::whistling:: Here boi....come on.... ::wicked grin::

Ok, so I promised a better description of my long talk with Jake...but I have changed my mind. It's good to be the Mistress. It was so cool and much of it was just the personal connection we had. I dont want to try and boil it down and minimize how special it was. A few highlights of things I learned about the bullet boy....

He's very sweet.
He's even more intelligent than I thought.
He's a major smart ass.
I like that.
He makes very cute blushy noises.
He also makes very cute squirmy noises.
He's attentive.
He picks up quickly.
He's a challenge.

In other news....I got a new puppy. A real one. ::wicked grin:: He's so cute and perfect for a Mistress. He is a Maltese...perfect soft and white and somewhat sub. Everytime I talk to him he does this little stretch thing that looks just like a bow. It's so cute. I love him. :)

On a semi related note...I have really been exploring the idea of puppy play lately. I am a very "hands on" kind of person anyway. I pet a lot and I touch a lot. And I love submissives on their hands and knees. So, what is a more perfect combination? ::smiles:: I know I have seen the boi's eyes light up a little when I have mentioned it. I am gonna do some more research on that.

The boi and I had a very lovely evening last night. ::wicked smile:: She was so good all day yesterday. She did her chores and the yard work and was generally extremely well behaved. She even did a few extra things just for points. ::grin:: We went to bed and I gave her ten minutes to get a shower and get into bed. We moved quickly into more compromising positions which mostly involved Me marking her with My evil stick while she was doing the things she does so so well. ::smirk:: Now she has tender welts and cuts to take with her to work. I love thinking of her wincing when her shirt moves across her skin. yummmy

It is going to be 110 degrees here to day with the heat index. :;pant pant:: I am not going outside again today.

Siren

I cannot believe you tagged me, you little devil. OK, here goes.

My boi...even though no blog here :) : Seduces Me

My Princess: 26 Cents

My Sparrow: Real Live Woman - Trisha Yearwood

Two for Jake: Mysterious Ways AND Do You Know The Muffin Man ::sweet smile::

Last night was awesome. I dont have time to do it justice, but it was awesome. I will write about it when I am not running off to run boring errands.

More later....

Today was a long day for work. I had to talk to lawyers and the tax office. That should be a hard limit for anyone. Oh well, I do love edge play.

This is a poem I wrote a couple of years ago when My semi-obsession with Sirens began.


She wraps you close in black velvet wings
and sweet like a siren she softly sings
She bathes in cool moonlight... pearl white her skin glows
Midnight feathers flow silently down from her soul

She stalks purposely towards you...closer she comes
Her eyes slowly narrow...out flicks her tongue
Tasting the tension thick in the air
She tosses her tendrils of soft aunburn hair

Emerald eyes whisper, "Come to Me, boi."
One hand on your heart she says, "Be My sweet toy."
"Surrender, my pet, you want to be Mine."
Then She swift takes your soul one kiss at a time.

Sweet honey sex drips from her lips
Slow steady rhythm guides slow swaying hips
Deep crimson welts form cross your back
Then rough passioned kisses fade them to black.

I like writing. I wonder if everyone likes what they write until they post it and then they think it sucks. lol

Siren

I want a dungeon.


I want a small dungeon in my house that I can padlock so no one can get in unless I let them. And I want a pewter key for it that looks like the old timey keys. I want a group of friends I trust enough to come and play sometimes. How would my dungeon look? Funny you should ask... ::grin::

My colors are crimson and black...I love them. So the walls would be black. I would want Erotic BDSM photographs and drawings on the walls....mostly black and white, I think. I want lighting mounted on the walls...sconces on dimmers and perhaps some track lighting in the ceiling that could be focused on certain parts of the room. I want the typical wall space to hang whips, floggers, quirts, etc. Then I want a big dramatic antique type piece ... something akin to a wardrobe painted pitch black and padlocked shut with my other toys in it. I want tons of candles everywhere and insense....but light scent. I want a pretty stone fountain somewhere that has fresh water that you can actually drink from and enjoy the sound. I want a small room in the corner that can be used as a cell...with a small window with bars and a cover that can be put over that so you can't see out of it if closed. I want a fireplace with a crimson velvet chaise lounge lazily placed in front of it. I want a puppy dish and bed at the foot of the chaise lounge. I want some necessary furniture. I want a spanking bench and a cross and an armless chair for OTK. I want gorgeous deep dark wood beams across the ceiling with restraints attached. I want restraints to the walls too....floor and high up on the wall. I want mirrors placed strategically everywhere.

Hmmmmmmmmm......that's all I can think of for now. ::sighing dreamily::

Ever heard that expression about being careful about what you wish for? ::evil grin:: I said in my last entry that I wished the boi was home so I could mark her. Wellllllllllllll...she surprised me by getting to come home around 11 that night. I was looking at the aforementioned evil stick site when she came in so my mood had not not weakened.

I did let her get undressed and then before she could do anything else I had her kneel on her puppy pillow at the end of My bed. She was trembling before she hit her knees. It's so sweet. We have been together two years and play hard almost every time we play....but sometimes she still acts like she has never done it before...all innocence and nervousness. It makes me low growl.

I started with my purple silk flogger. This toy is heaven with a little touch of hell. It has very soft silken fall that just pools over your skin....tipped with nasty little rubber ends that sting like a wasp. It leaves delicious little welts.

I wont bore you with all the details ::grin:: but I did get a chance to use my new door prize I won at the last munch. It is a lovely flogger/singletail combination made by the same man I bragged about before. ( www.whipmaker.com ). It was divine.

After much whimpering and begging and welts and sweetness, we curled up in bed and she slept for the first time in about 48 hours. I love being a Mistress.

Rebel

Well, we didn't blow away. A tree or two fell and caused some damage but overall it was just really ugly outside. I wish My boi were home. I miss her. Twenty four hours are hard enough every third day. I hate when it stretches out. Not to mention I am in a particularly feral mood. ::wicked smile:: I wanna mark her.

I had a wonderful conversation with a friend of Mine today and made his quote of the day. Yay! He is such a special guy. Smart ass and smart as hell and submissive...beautiful combination.

I also found inspiration today. Just when I was feeling so low about it. One of my creative soulmates and I were swapping stories and she is just such an incredibly gifted writer....it made me want to write again. I cant thank her enough for that. I am still on the high from it. I cant even describe her here. She's almost too overwhelming in her childlike essence for this space. She is so genuine and wide eyed and lovely and just too good for common things she's so sweet. ::smiles::

Other news....one of those same friends helped me find the evil stick site I have been trying to find again for about a year now! The boi has become somewhat of an addict and I want more toys anyway. I cant wait to explore the site again. They have new stuff.

I will write more interesting stuff tomorrow. Today was consumed with hurricanes and peanut butter crackers. Until then....

Rebel

The hurricane is bearing down upon us. Gas stations are swarming with people and the roads are jammed with those coming out of Florida and heading north. They have barely recovered from the last disaster. It's hard to watch.

I need topics to write about here. Any suggestions? I could make a list and then pull one out of a hat every day. lol

How about this one? Is it odd that I am a lesbian who enjoys CBT a lot? :) Nah...I am not feeling that one today. :)

Perhaps a little story? I write FemDom erotica and poetry and occasionally some vampyre themed stuff. Well, I guess I should say I used to write FemDom Erotica. Life has stolen most of my free time and creativity lately. I am trying to make myself get creative again.

I am one of those Dommes who is more motivated by the mental power exchange than the bruises I can put on flesh. (I do like to see my handiwork the next day though ).

When I was 18, I was in a bar with my girlfriend at the time. We were back in the corner at the pool tables. I was leaning against the wall and this woman who looked to be in her 40's approaches me. She was blond and over the top pretty. Not gorgeous but just oozed sexy and confident. She looked me in the eye for a few seconds and then said, "Are you a Top?"

I had no idea what she was talking about. My girlfriend was staring across the pool table at us. I had to make a fast decision. So I said, "I dont know what you are talking about." Pretty clever, huh? Yep, she laughed too. Then she asked if she could talk to me alone for a few minutes. I agreed and we walked outside.

She looked at me with this little smile and started asking me questions that at the time I thought were bizarre. Things like.... was I always in charge in a relationship? Did I find myself in control of most situations I was in? Then they went from things like that to .. had I ever spanked someone? Had I ever had someone kiss my boots? I looked at her kind of strangely when the questions headed in that direction, but I was intrigued. I finally stopped her and asked her why she was asking me this stuff. She told me that there was a lifestyle out there called BDSM. She started telling me basic things about it and when she saw my interests perked, she told me that she was a Domme. Sooooooooooooooooo... my next question, of course, was why was she telling me all this?

She replied pretty simply, "I have been watching you most of the night and I think you are a natural Domme. I want to teach you about the lifestyle. I want to be your mentor"

I kinda stood there for a minute simultaneously thinking that this was probably the weirdest conversation I had ever had and that there was no way I could refuse this woman. I loved everything she had talked about so far. So, I asked her what that would entail. She lit a cigarette and said, "Well, we can do it one of two ways. Some people think that you have to bottom to someone to learn how to top." (Thank goddess she had already explain what those two terms meant.)

I looked at her and said," No way that is happening. What's option two?"

She laughed. "I knew you were gonna say that. Option two is to just jump in and learn from someone who knows what they are doing....namely me. I have a houseboat in Florida. Ultimate privacy. Want to come visit me for a couple of weeks?"

Ok, let me insert here that I would NEVER dream of doing something like that now, but this was 14 years ago and I was only 18. I took her card and went back inside to try and explain to my girlfriend why I had been outside with another woman I had never met for the past half hour. It didnt go well.

Anyway, long story short...I went to Lisa's houseboat the next week and stayed for two weeks. She bottomed to me (which she had never done) and taught me tons. I am lucky. Not many people learn by total submersion for two weeks. I stuck with her pretty closely for the next year or so. She was very well known in the scene and introduced me to everyone and took me everywhere. She eventually asked me to collar her which is a whole other story.

Anywho...that is how I found BDSM. I have been an out and proud addict ever since. :) I wonder whatever happened to Lisa alot. I havent seen her in years. She moved off to NY, I think, to open a Pro Domme business with a friend of ours and we lost touch. She was so awesome. :)

Rebel